The Real Shinigami
by Lilas
Summary: This is a songfic with changed lyrics, but a fic nonetheless... R for language... (MAD funny)


Disclaimer: *to The Real Slim Shady rhythm* My bum is on your limps, my bum is on your lips- *looks up and sweatdrops* Er… I don't own the G-boys nor Eminem's song…. *starts to sing again* And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss…  
  
Author's note: THIS IS NOT YAOI!! For you little perverts who like to see meaning behind words (like certain friends of mine), I did not intend have any Yaoi implications, so think that if you want to, but that's not how it's supposed to be. If it seems OOC, it probably is because we took the characters' flaws and multiplied them by 100. The [censored] (which only Heero uses) can mean anything your twisted minds want… I put that for the heck of it. I think that's it… Any flames are to be sent to the boys while any comments and critisism is to be sent to me ^-^! Enjoy the fic!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Duo:  
  
"The Real Shinigami"  
  
  
  
"At last! We're here!" Duo exclaimed pushing the door open.  
  
All five pilots stepped inside the karaoke bar. One happy, two annoyed, one blushing and the other fuming.  
  
"This place is for weaklings! I refuse to stay here another minute!"  
  
"You prefer to go out in the snow?" Heero asked Wufei in his ever-lasting platonic voice.  
  
"Hmf. You win this time Yuy. But soon… Very soon… I'll take you down!"  
  
"Stop fighting you two! We should enjoy ourselves," Quatre interceded before a skirmish of enormous proportion could begin.  
  
"Yeah! They have a karaoke machine here! What do you say Trowa?"  
  
"……."  
  
"Trowa?"  
  
"I'm not in the mood Duo."  
  
"You change moods?"  
  
"Duo, shut up before I kill you for good."  
  
"Yes your majesty!" Duo saluted to Heero at the latter's comment. Heero's hand came up to whack Duo's head lightly as a warning. "OUCH!! That hurt you baka!"  
  
"Look who's talking," Wufei snorted.  
  
"Well, since none of you wusses will sing, I will!" Duo walked to the machine and selected a song. Then he skipped over to the monitor and shut it off.  
  
"Er… Aren't you going to need the lyrics?" Quatre asked confused by Duo's actions.  
  
"I don't need 'em. I wrote special lyrics for this song. Let's get it on!"  
  
  
  
((The music for Eminem's 'The Real Slim Shady' starts.))  
  
((Duo starts singing to HIS lyrics, his cap turned backwards and *trying* to dance like a rapper.))  
  
May I have your attention please?  
  
May I have your attention please?  
  
Will the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
I repeat, will the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
We're gonna have a problem here  
  
((All the boys minus Duo sweatdrop while looking at their inane friend.))  
  
Y'all act like ya never seen a kid piloting before  
  
Jaws all on the floor like Wufei and Treize just burst out the door  
  
Battling worst than they ever did before  
  
Crashing their swords breaking furniture worst than before  
  
It's the return of the...  
  
"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,  
  
he just didn't say what I think he did, did he?"  
  
((Wufei got up to strangle Duo but Heero reflexively stopped him and strapped him to his chair before any damage to the building could be made. All the others sweatdropped.))  
  
And Trowa said...  
  
Nothing you idiots! Trowa's mute, he's locked in his room!  
  
((Somewhere in the room a mutter sounding like: "I am not…" is heard and all the boys look at Trowa who has a frown plastered on his face.))  
  
Feminist women love the real God of Death  
  
"{*Duo's vocal turntable*} Shinigami, I'm sick of him  
  
Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what  
  
Shooting at you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though"  
  
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose  
  
(("Damn right you do you weakling!" Wufei shouts from his bondage.))  
  
But the worse is what's going on in the scientists' bedroom  
  
((Various Eeeeeewwwwww!!!!s are heard and disgusted faces are seen…))  
  
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't  
  
But it's cool for Lady Une to trick the lil' colonies  
  
"My gundam blew you up, my gundam blew you up"  
  
And if you're lucky, you just might still be alive  
  
And that's the message that we deliver to the colonies  
  
And expect them not to know what the heck bloodshed is  
  
(("They all know by now!"  
  
"Shut up Wufei," Heero's monotonous voice replied.))  
  
Of course they gonna know what all the killing is  
  
By the time they hit this generation  
  
They got Romefeller don't they?  
  
"We ain't nothing but little assholes"  
  
Well, some of us Wufeis  
  
Are obsessed with justice and integrity  
  
(("ARGH!! JUSTICE!! I DEMAND JUSTICE! Do you not have any honor you-" He is cut off when Heero, sick of hearing him complain, gagged him with an apple.))  
  
But if we can pilot Gundams and mobile suits  
  
Then there's no reason that you and I can't drive motorcycles  
  
But if you feel like I feel, I got the fast food here  
  
Women wave your panty hose, sing the chorus and it goes  
  
((Quatre's face immediately becomes red with embarrassment while the other three just sweatdrop at the thought of women's underwear.))  
  
I'm Shinigami, yes I'm Shinigami  
  
All you other Shinigamis are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Cuz I'm Shinigami, yes I'm Shinigami  
  
All you other Shinigamis are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Well Heero don't gotta in his threats to Relena  
  
(("Hey! Watch your mouth Maxwell!"))  
  
Well I do so "Fuck him and fuck her too!"  
  
(("That's IT! Omea o koruso you [censored]!!"  
  
"Sit down Heero! Or you want to end up like Wuffie over there?"  
  
Heero promptly sits back down while Wufei is red with fury.))  
  
You think I give a damn about your meetings?  
  
Half of you ambassadors can't even stomach me let alone stand me  
  
"But Duo, what if you go to one, wouldn't it be weird?"  
  
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here  
  
So you can sit me here next to Dorothy  
  
Shit Lieutenant Noin better switch me chairs  
  
So I can sit next to Zechs Marquise and that guy Otto  
  
And hear them argue over who piloted Tallgeese first  
  
(("That's not a very nice thing to say… Ambassadors aren't all mean and-"  
  
"Shut up Quatre."  
  
"Ok Heero…"))  
  
Hey little Sally, put me on blast on TV screen  
  
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Hilde, hee-hee"  
  
I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world  
  
How you gave Shinigami BS  
  
((Wufei starts to move around in his chair, shouting muffled curses.))  
  
I'm sick of you little girl and boy soldiers  
  
All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you  
  
And there's a million of us just like me  
  
Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me  
  
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me  
  
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!  
  
(("God help us all if there are more of him out there…" Heero muttered. In response, he received nods from all his partners.))  
  
I'm Shinigami, yes I'm Shinigami  
  
All you other Shinigamis are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Cuz I'm Shinigami, yes I'm Shinigami  
  
All you other Shinigamis are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
(("Sit down Quatre," Trowa whispered to his partner.  
  
"Ooops… Sorry… I just got into it…"))  
  
I'm like a headache to listen to cuz I'm only talking 'bout  
  
Things you don't care about in this stupid war  
  
The only difference is I'm nuts and I can't shut up  
  
(("No SHIT!" Wufei shouted, miraculously having freed himself from the ropes and the apple.  
  
"How'd you do that?! No one's ever escaped my bindings before!"  
  
"You're loosing your touch Yuy!" Wufei replied, sticking his tongue out like a little kid.))  
  
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be frost or ice coated at all  
  
I just get in my Gundam and shoot and whether you like to admit it  
  
I just shit better than 90 percent of you pilots out there  
  
(("LIAR! You are NOT better than Nataku and I!!"  
  
"Wufei…." Heero spoke warningly.  
  
"Are you protecting him Yuy?!"  
  
"It's a reflex… I can't help it… I'm sorry."))  
  
Then you wonder how can people eat up these moves like cheese in a can  
  
(("Cheese in a can? Who the [censored] eats that?" Heero wondered to himself.))  
  
It's funny cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30  
  
I'll be the only person in the galaxy flirting  
  
Pinching aliens' asses when I'm jacking off or jerkin'  
  
Said I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working  
  
((Quatre turns to Trowa, his big innocent eyes shining.  
  
"What's Viagra?"  
  
Trowa sweatdrops and looks at him. "Er… It's… Well… You're too young to know!"  
  
"Oh… Too bad… I wanted to meet him."  
  
Sweatdrops from all in hearing range.))  
  
And every single person is a Shinigami lurking  
  
He could be working at a Romefeller base destroying all your mobile suits  
  
Or in the friggin' hangar, circling, screaming "I don't give a fuck!"  
  
With his hatch down and the system up  
  
(("You mean your clone will do the job for us?!"  
  
"Wufei… Shut up."  
  
"Is that all you can say to me Yuy?!"  
  
"No… Omea o koruso you [censored]!!"  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hit a nerve?"  
  
"Are there really more Duos out there?"  
  
"For the human race's sake… I hope not." Trowa answered to Quatre's question.  
  
"Maybe we should take this one out of the gene pool…" Wufei suggested grabbing his katana from its sheath.  
  
"Wufei…."  
  
"What's the gene pool? Can you swim in it?" Quatre questioned, once again turning to Trowa for an answer.  
  
"I… I'll…" Trowa mumbled, a hint of a blush creeping on his cheeks… JUST a hint…  
  
"We'll explain later," Heero stated, saving Trowa from certain embarrassment.))  
  
So, will the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?  
  
And be proud to be outta ya mind and outta control  
  
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?  
  
I'm Shinigami, yes I'm Shinigami  
  
All you other Shinigamis are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Cuz I'm Shinigami, yes I'm Shinigami  
  
All you other Shinigamis are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
(("Quatre… Sit down… Please."  
  
"Sorry…"))  
  
I'm Shinigami, yes I'm Shinigami  
  
All you other Shinigamis are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Cuz I'm Shinigami, yes I'm Shinigami  
  
All you other Shinigamis are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Shinigami please stand up?  
  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
(("QUATRE!!"  
  
"Ooops…"))  
  
Ha ha  
  
Guess there's a Shinigami in all of us  
  
Fuck it, let's all stand up.  
  
((Duo bows as the song ends…))  
  
"So what'd ya guys think?!"  
  
No answer….  
  
"Guys?"  
  
Duo sees all of them (except for Quatre who has no clue what's going on) standing with mallets that appeared out of no where in their hands…  
  
"Guys…" They slowly approach him, murder burning in their eyes… "Let's be reasonable here…"  
  
"What's there to be reasonable about? We have reasonably come to the reasonable conclusion that now would be a reasonable time to KILL YOU…"  
  
"We're going to [censored] kill you [censored] [censored] [censored]!!! GET THAT?!?! OMEA O KORUSO YOU [CENSORED]!!!"  
  
"No… No, NO, NO… See, you still need Deathscythe and-"  
  
"Noin can pilot it…"  
  
"AAH!!!!! I'm too young to die!! I still have to get boinked!!!"  
  
As Duo flees for his life from his friends who are evilly chuckling as they run after him, Quatre turns to an old man standing next to him and asks,  
  
"Excuse me… What's getting boinked mean?"  
  
"Er… I… My wife's calling me. See you kid."  
  
Quatre shrugs and runs after the others. Shouts are heard over the night's silence…  
  
"Stop! We shouldn't fight! Fighting is wrong!!"  
  
"Shut up Wufei!"  
  
"I haven't said anything!"  
  
"Sorry… I guess that became a reflex also…"  
  
"Hilde!!! HELP!!!"  
  
"………."  
  
  
  
The end…. Or is it?  
  
Author's note (again): This was not meant to be Yaoi but heck, if you want it to, be my guest… I'd like to IMMENSLY thank my friend (which you all don't know but I don't care 'cause she knows who she is) for helping me!!! She's the one that challenged me…  
  
Bye bye!!! And C&C welcomed!!! (hint,hint ^o^) 


End file.
